Current mood: angry
I would have to say, going thru the grieving process is pretty heavy. And to this day, I feel bad for anyone I've ever not empathized with during this process.
I have gone thru a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, pretty morbid ones too. Not just the sad kind either, its pretty hard to describe. Some of these thoughts have even made me question my own sanity, and on occasion my ability to function in society. I've had to make some pretty tough decisions in the last 4 months, decisions I would not dare tackle without my mother's opinion, however being in the position I have had no choice. Some of the decisions I've made I'm not too proud of, some I stick behind, and some that have unintentionally hurt other people. It has made me a stronger person though. It's tough, loosing mama. I still remember, vividly the moment I was informed. No one truly understands the moment their world stops until their in that moment. You hear the earth crack, yet still retain your hearing, your heart stop, yet, you're still alive, the air taken away, yet others are still talking. Its hard to phathom these emotions until you are standing in that one spot you dread your whole life to be in.
I get it, and it is no joke. I'm glad I have had those who understand that they will never begin to understand, yet stand beside me anyway to offer their true support and friendship.
This has been a trying couple of weeks, however I'm still here, I'm still standing, still breathing, and still ticking. Life goes on, it's awful, horrible, and disgusting, but I try to look at it in the best possible way I can, full of life, happiness and Joy, for God is in control of all that surrounds me, for even this is apart of his divine plan of good things for me. (Even if I can't see it yet.)